The waiting game sucks. She slayed this whole pregnancy so far. Never got sick, working out right up until the 38th week, being a full-time boss lady. But now she’s done. There’s a full grown frickin’ tiny human in her uterus! Each shift is a kick to the kidney, a karate chop to the bladder, doing the worm on her intestines. She walks like a she’s holding a bowling ball between her legs and I ache for her (perfect) stretched out, lopsided body with a full-term parasite inside (OK, he’s a beautiful, miracle-of-life kind of parasite, but he’s a parasite by definition).
Every day we’re checking for signs. Are those Braxton Hicks doing the trick? It looks like he’s moved down a bit. Yes, I believe the full moon and the stars’ alignment is in sync for this watermelon to exit.
Every day we’re running down the checklist. Is the bag packed? Did I make a good essential oil blend and did I pack the diffuser? Is the car seat installed correctly? Snacks? Check. Also check: CBD oil for my own anxiety, a notebook (which in all likelihood I will not use) to record thoughts, feelings, birth haikus, and I can’t forget the cell phone charger (I know I will forget the cell phone charger).
Every day we’re barely managing our anxiety and impatience. I pace the house feeling like there’s something to do even though I’ve done everything and then triple-checked that I did it. She scours the internet for every bit of murky information she can find. We clean the house like obsessive compulsive maniacs off our medication.
She’s doing everything she can to expel this baby. Walking on the curb with one foot on the sidewalk and one in the street. Eating spicy foods. Bouncing on a yoga ball, acupuncture, chiropractic. Requesting my prostaglandin. The baby shall not adhere to our schedule requests.
It all adds up to so much fruitless worry. So much energy expelled for unmeasurable results. And when the baby finally does come, there’s absolutely no way of knowing what helped, what hindered, or more likely, what was completely neutral and meaningless. There is some science behind a few of the inducing techniques, but birth will always remain one of the universe’s greatest miraculous mysteries. We just do what we feel like we need to do to flounder through it.
Once this baby is born I have the strong feeling that we will look back at all of our mania and laugh (on a good day), or cry on the hard days. And mostly, we will wish that we had taken the time to chill so hard we could make lazy cats look like marathon runners.
Yes, you need to get your house in order and do everything you can to ensure a healthy and safe birth. But once that’s done, might as well just soak in the quiet, pre-baby cleanliness. Might as well watch all the gory, explosive, R-rated movies you can. Might as well treasure these last few moments alone with your partner.
Because it’s all about to change.
This is so real!! I love the dad perspective. I had to come to terms with this too, and the moment I let go, zeke came into the world. Good words, and good job dad 🙂
Yes, double high- lighted yes to your last two paragraphs!! Great writing Levi! So excited for you both!! Happy almost-here days xoxo
Baby Noe was just a “few”days late..Hope you are having a fantastic Sunday !
This is great, and I can say Hi HO to the entire anticipation. I’m so happy you are writing through it, writing with it, writing it all down like a mojo mofo!!! You will be great parents. More important, great people. Be true, to yourselves and for him.